the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
