dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
