Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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