Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
