a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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