I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize