Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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