The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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