Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize