My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
