sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is my gift to your gina
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
