is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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