too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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