I'm gonna have a badass scar
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
