my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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