I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
