so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's the barista slut.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
