Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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