Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize