Umm I'm too high to move.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize