i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
