Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
