Me too!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
