oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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