isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
