I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Randomize
