ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As shirtless as possible
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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