I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
