Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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