Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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