The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
