pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
