my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
