mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
