Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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