My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
