We're facebook friends in real life
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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