Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
