We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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