and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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