She is in my trunk
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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