i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
