I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
