So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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