Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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