New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
