Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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