So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
