the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize