I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
