So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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