we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize