so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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