I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
