I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
