He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
