I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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