I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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