yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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