Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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