i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
