I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
