how do flat chested girls get laid?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
