I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
