Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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