i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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