When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
